Tired

I'm tired of being tired.
When you're tired, you're going to be pissed.
When you're pissed, you just hate everything. EVERY DAMN THINGs LOOKS UGLY.

 I'm tired of hearing the same thing. and talking about the same thing.
It as if my brain had completely going crazy.
Sometimes i feel like i hate everybody,literally everybody.
Then i wanted to disappear and my existence being deleted from everybody memories.
Let I hold this on my own.
Let i keep going on being tired.
until the end i can no longer hold this depression.

Is it weird, when i dont have much dream.
All i have is just a little dream.
I just want the World to be a better place for everyone.
I know this sound like bullshit but that's all i really want.
Each day, I live and feed myself with news about people dying from wars,poverty and disease.
and Yet here people are still being selfish. THEY NEVER REALLY FEEL GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING.

There is one moment, i wanted to stop having so much hope and faith.
I was forced to believe that everything is not possible anymore. and I was LOST.
Everyday now seem sad and lonely.
Fake laugh and smile, while im being crushed inside.
Melancholic thoughts and heck yeah i even think about having a suicide.

Even so, i still had that dream.
Just a little of it still left.
I dont wanna expect too much for now.
Let just hope for a better tomorrow.

Agnostic

There it goes again.
My preposterous and over-rated post.

"AGNOSTIC".
Define as..
- A person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena
-Agnostic in religion refers to people who don't know whether or not a deity or deities exist, and refuse to take a side. This makes them neither Atheist nor Theist
-They are like the bisexuals of the religion spectrum.
- Agnostic means you think that God can neither be proven or disproven, i.e., is unknowable.

Here,let i proceed.
As a reference to the above matter, I wanted to state my stand here, that I am AGNOSTIC.
No offence to obsessive believers who 'claimed' to prophesy about the future destruction of the world and whose God are real and whose God are not. Future i must say,is something like a pandora box, on the hand of mere mortals.

Now,now, what is pandora box? Define as a source of many unforeseen troubles. It derived from a greek mythology, Pandora. The Pandora's Box was the artifact given to her by Zeus which contained all the evil of the world.

Sometimes, i wondered if prophets was actually a human from the future with advanced technology and already known the future of the past ( you dont say ) . I, myself never seen the human as a ruler. I state here, i dislikes, NOT HATE, dislikes the fact that people had been arguing since ages about politics,religion and started war just over a small word. I think it is better to understand rather than asking to be understand. Ofcourse, the good will always win in the end, but as the matter of today, it is unknown who is the good people and who is the bad people. Every people are practically the same and have the same desire, to conquer the world.

They wanted a foretold future to be true, agonizing over matters that are known as crap.
I, as well as being a cynic and conservative, it is a defiance for me to live in this cruel and gruesome world.

Often I say, everything happens for a reason. which in my opinion derived from the human nature itself. The decision they make from the past is the result for the future they wanted. But future is  unknown. The bible stated that, on Matthew 24:51,

" No one knows about that day or hour,not even the angels in heaven,nor the Son, but only the Father itself"

Everything happen with the will of God.
No, i am not saying this because i am a Christian.
I believe that everyone,everything happened because the will of God.
HE has the reason and he is the truth.

The future, my friend, is unknown and so is the end of age.
I dont believe your preposterous claimed on when and how the world is going to end because i stick with the truth until the end. You might never see God but u can feel it there, in your heart. As long as u still have faith and hope, u will not get lost.

Gandhi once said,

" There is no religion higher than the truth,and the truth is God "

The power of truth even overcome the power of reason. For only the truth who knows the future,the past and the present.

The God might be unknown, so does the time.
we might living a lie, or stand our believes on the truth.

Fuwa Aika, one of the character of zetsuen no Tempest state that ,

" Everything happens for a reason. The daily tragedies and misfortunes are all meaningful events,leading toward and ideal conclusion. With that in mind, there probably isnt really any meaningless fortune"

and lastly, as quoted by Fuwa Mahiro, in reference to all the Shakespeare works that present in Zetsuen no  Tempest, he state that ,

" We don't know if this world is real or a dream. Maybe the world until now has been a convenient fake"

Leaves and Shits

at first i was thinking about love,
so clearly i was going to post about love.
but then, sudden politishitian on tv who talks about some religion shit and mess up my thought on writing a love thought.
so i guess, i might as well tell what is on my thought right now.
we go back to poems later.

so here's the thing,
remember who i am?
of course, u dont.

lets start.
so here, i dont really talk about shit like this often,
neither do i use 'shits' often.
unless im piss off which clearly i am now.

over million years ago,
living things like dinosaur and caveman do exist.
and God too.
apparently, religion was not.
according to some HISTORY *cough**cough*
"civilization was originally from adam and eve"
but science stated that
"human beings was merely a monkey million years ago"
but of course, since this are written and not visually stated,
"literally" in any books, we can just simply assume.

OK LOOK.AGAIN I REPEAT.
I DONT USUALLY TALK ABOUT SHITS LIKE THIS.

History, and Assumption are merely the same.
so, technically, we dont really know the truth.
Human has officially evolve to be a very technical and complicated form of biological machine.
this, I STATED, is simply a metaphor.
While i am here, living my AWESOME life,
watching SHITS as WAR which already HAPPEN like FRIGGIN YEARS,
LIKE MILLION YEARS AGO,
FROM WHERE, DINOSAUR and 'CAVEMAN'
OR
"GOOD" and "EVIL" *cough**cough*
fighting and showing each other strength.

To be Honest,
I simply dont give a damn.
which literally i still do like 25% of my life around watching,listening to Craps.
Simply only because they wanted 'FREEDOM' in this world.
While i am just an observer, who obviously have no power and and wooden stick,
I CAN ONLY LISTEN.READ.WATCH.

All this people talking rubbish,
' we are the justice!'
' we will redeem freedom '
' In the name of RELIGION i call this war '
RAGE AGAINTS THE MACHINE!!!!
' Its simpy my race,my religion, we are the truth!'

i constantly vomiting and puking in my thought.
to finally realize that how selfish people are.
defending themselves from such craps.
talking craps, where justice has truly been RAPE.

There's nothing more i can say,
words are simply just agonizing,
Life are just like  leaves,
We are from the same tree,
but we get old, and we fall,
the wind pass by,
blew the leaves away and away from the tree,
fly high and finally turn brown,
then reach on top of a clear pond,
slowly soaked by the water and simply falling down,
beneath to the bottom of the pond,
until the leaves rot and finally become a fossils that provide fuels for the next generation.

But Some Leaves,
Unlucky one,
been swiped away by the wind,
and fly away~~
until it finally get brown,
then crush in a hand of a human, or be kept in a box, or simply, some are just being eaten by animals.

Basically, what am i trying to conclude is,
Penis and Vagina are basically the same,
apart from colors and soul.
Get it?

GOD really created us equally.
THINK.

Ghostly Love

Maybe i am hoping for it.
A new vision and a new way to move on.
I am not sure if i am using this feeling to destroy myself.
Nor can I confide in love.
But I wanted to move on.
I thought, maybe i'll forget you today,or tomorrow and tomorrow ...

I guess,i must be looking funny,
smiling to my ear when i think of you.
But sometimes i'm scared,
because i feel that you are fading away from me.
But you are not mine,
i don't even know who you are,
your light seems very dim in the darkness,
i try to reach you,
still are. now.

Not sure if this is love,
its a warm feeling but it is also sad.
Such darkness that i attracted to,
such sadness and pain,
you are a reflection of me.

I f i can never own you,
I guess i stay alone,
with my ghostly love.

I wanted you to notice,
or at least to be happy for yourself,
because you have such a beautiful smile,
that shine like sunrise at dawn.

I don't normally wake up early in the morning,
but the light just so warm and lovely.
I hope you keep on smiling,
my love.

Help me.

while listening to Ingrid Michaelson - Love
i found myself breathing heavily,
im trying to make myself cry but it won't do,
i wonder why.
I forgot how i look, in my every dream, i wonder who is she,
she doesnt feel a thing,
is it true, i am not brave, not strong enough?
i am trying to figure out myself,
that true love.
how and when, where and who is it?
im all alone, or it is actually what i had always want.
to be alone. is that it?

im like a nucleus,
trying to defense myself,from my past memory,
avoiding the future.. well i guess its not just me..
how am i going to find my future? If i don't trust myself.
i need help,but who?
i am not happy, i figure that out already.
i always searching, searching for something or someone or whatever it might be.

or was it all this while,ive been that nucleus,
deep inside the core, layered with proton and electron inside my shell.
i question myself? who i wanna be?
this feeling i cant keep it forever,
what im afraid of the most is someday i might lost this feeling,again,like i did last time.
That anguish,heartache, i just cant define it.

To be honest, at this moment, i just wanna be hug,by somebody i love,
who love me too,i hope.
so that i won't feel alone anymore.
I know, its kinda selfish,  because i want all this story for myself, all this world.
but then i just want the world to understand me, i just want the destiny to understand me just this time.

how i feel now?
it feels like twilight,
beautiful but empty,
sad and cold,
my twilight.

Those people,they said they be there for me, but now they gone.
Those people,they said i was special,but they leave me.
Those people, betrayed my trust.

It's hard to start believe in relationship again,
but i try, i wanted to.

help me.

Poverty

Sad Fact of life.
while every city and humanity is engaged in modern development,people keep getting rich everyday,
politic keep on their drama play,trying to prove who's better,in reality

... POVERTY REMAINS,CULTURE DIE,ETHNIC EXTINCT..

In this fast pace of living world,
Society might have gone stronger *cough cough*
or else..
All these So Called Genius People,who claim to give peace to people,
started this calamities,
war,famine,global warming,massacre,homicide,inflation, and whatever negative proportion u might recalled for yourself.
Although im writing this,all this word,on my computer, in this peaceful country which i cannot be more grateful to,Thanks to God,
but i still see as much as pain that had happened to this world.

It such a heartache to see this part of the world.
While some children were born in a world of better education and hospitality,
some children are working hard to support their own needs.
Disease such as tuberculosis is a common disease to them,
They have been used to see death,hunger,tears and abuse.
They had felt pain and worst.

Tears and laughter,
Happiness is all they sought..

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None The Photography is my own work.

Forever Alone

Although there is so much i wanna talk about,
but i should keep it private. at least.
Im refraining myself from writing his name on a paper,
on a web,on my mind and everywhere.

As much as i want to forget him yet i cant.
You know that kinda feeling, when u want someone,
when u wanna be with someone but then u know u wont have any chance,
but then u are still hoping it?
yes it sucks,
it feels like a thousand of pancake,
not a good one,
falling from the sky,
and smashed on u.

no,its worst than that,
its like having your soul crush,
depend on how much you love that particular person.

Let me tell u something,
Words is easy,
talking rubbish and spitting out nonsense is easy,
its like eating ice cream.
But for God sake, doing it is not easy.

Loving someone is not easy.
Its not just some random puppy love,
u get hook,feel happy,lovie dovie,get jealous,blame each other,fght and then break up,and find a new one.
IT worst,
Falling in love is like having a candle that light u in the dark,
yet u cannot touch it because u'll get burn, but if u erase the light,
then ur surrounding will be dark.

It takes me 2 friggin years to actually like someone like really much.
and 1 year to get over it.
I dont believe in relationship,because ive been betrayed,
and just particularly  because i just dont trust people.

I probably gonna be forever alone.